The death of a child is the most devastating loss. You mourn the loss of his or her life, potential and future. Your life is forever changed. But it's not over. You can get through the grief and come out the other side. Read on for some tips that can help.
Be very gentle with yourself. While your impulse may be to blame yourself for what's happened, resist the urge. There are simply forces in life and nature that cannot be controlled. Beating yourself up about what you could have, would have, should have done is counterproductive to healing.
Get plenty of sleep. For some parents, all they want to do is to sleep. Others find themselves pacing the floors at night and staring blankly at the TV. The death of a child takes an extreme toll on the body. Science has shown that a loss of this magnitude is similar to a major physical injury, [3] so you absolutely need rest. Give in to the urge to sleep if you have it; otherwise, try to establish a nighttime routine--warm bath, herbal tea, relaxation exercises--that can help ease you into a good night's sleep.
Remember to eat. Sometimes, in the days immediately following your child's death, relatives and friends may bring you food so that you don't have to cook. Do your best to eat a little each day in order to keep up your strength. It's difficult to deal with negative emotions and everyday activities when you're physically weak. Eventually, you may have to return to making your own meals. Keep it simple. Bake a chicken or make a big pot of soup that can last for a few meals. Find healthy takeout options in your neighborhood and restaurants that will deliver to your home.
Stay hydrated. Whether or not you're finding it difficult to eat, try to drink at least eight glasses of water a day. Sip on a cup of soothing tea or keep a refillable water bottle with you. Dehydration is physically taxing, and your body is already being taxed enough.
Use alcohol in moderation and stay away from illegal drugs. While it's understandable that you may want to blot out the memory of your child's death, excessive use of alcohol and drugs can aggravate depression and create a whole new set of problems to deal with.
Use prescription medication under a doctor's orders only. Some parents find that a sleep aid is a necessity, and that anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication helps them better cope. There are many varieties of these medications, and finding the right one that works best can be a daunting task, and one best undertaken with the help of a physician. Work with your doctor to find what works for you and to make a plan for how long you'll be on medication.
Re-evaluate your relationships if they become hurtful. It's not uncommon for friends to pull away during this grieving period. Some people simply do not know what to say, and those that are parents may feel uncomfortable with the reminder that the loss of a child is possible. If friends urge you to "get over" your grief and try to hurry you through your grieving process, set boundaries with them regarding what is and isn't an acceptable topic for conversation. If necessary, distance yourself from those who insist on dictating your grieving process.
The death of a child is the most devastating loss. You mourn the loss of his or her life, potential and future. Your life is forever changed. But it's not over. You can get through the grief and come out the other side. Read on for some tips that can help.
ReplyDeleteBe very gentle with yourself. While your impulse may be to blame yourself for what's happened, resist the urge. There are simply forces in life and nature that cannot be controlled. Beating yourself up about what you could have, would have, should have done is counterproductive to healing.
ReplyDeleteGet plenty of sleep. For some parents, all they want to do is to sleep. Others find themselves pacing the floors at night and staring blankly at the TV. The death of a child takes an extreme toll on the body. Science has shown that a loss of this magnitude is similar to a major physical injury, [3] so you absolutely need rest. Give in to the urge to sleep if you have it; otherwise, try to establish a nighttime routine--warm bath, herbal tea, relaxation exercises--that can help ease you into a good night's sleep.
Remember to eat. Sometimes, in the days immediately following your child's death, relatives and friends may bring you food so that you don't have to cook. Do your best to eat a little each day in order to keep up your strength. It's difficult to deal with negative emotions and everyday activities when you're physically weak. Eventually, you may have to return to making your own meals. Keep it simple. Bake a chicken or make a big pot of soup that can last for a few meals. Find healthy takeout options in your neighborhood and restaurants that will deliver to your home.
Stay hydrated. Whether or not you're finding it difficult to eat, try to drink at least eight glasses of water a day. Sip on a cup of soothing tea or keep a refillable water bottle with you. Dehydration is physically taxing, and your body is already being taxed enough.
Use alcohol in moderation and stay away from illegal drugs. While it's understandable that you may want to blot out the memory of your child's death, excessive use of alcohol and drugs can aggravate depression and create a whole new set of problems to deal with.
Use prescription medication under a doctor's orders only. Some parents find that a sleep aid is a necessity, and that anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication helps them better cope. There are many varieties of these medications, and finding the right one that works best can be a daunting task, and one best undertaken with the help of a physician. Work with your doctor to find what works for you and to make a plan for how long you'll be on medication.
Re-evaluate your relationships if they become hurtful. It's not uncommon for friends to pull away during this grieving period. Some people simply do not know what to say, and those that are parents may feel uncomfortable with the reminder that the loss of a child is possible. If friends urge you to "get over" your grief and try to hurry you through your grieving process, set boundaries with them regarding what is and isn't an acceptable topic for conversation. If necessary, distance yourself from those who insist on dictating your grieving process.