Anger management tip 4: Find healthier ways to express your anger
If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. When communicated respectfully and channeled effectively, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for change. Pinpoint what you’re really angry about
Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution. Take five if things get too heated
If your anger seems to be spiraling out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down. A brisk walk, a trip to the gym, or a few minutes listening to some music should allow you to calm down, release pent up emotion, and then approach the situation with a cooler head. Always fight fair
It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.
Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem. Choose your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset. Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives. Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
As a fellowship of recovering addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous offers a message of hope to anyone who suffers from sex addiction.
Through long and painful experience, we came to realize that we were powerless over our sexual thoughts and behaviors and that our preoccupation with sex was causing progressively severe adverse consequences for us, our families, and our friends. Despite many failed promises to ourselves and attempts to change, we discovered that we were unable to stop acting out sexually by ourselves.
Many of us came to this realization when we started attending SAA meetings. In that setting we heard stories similar to ours and realized that recovery from our problem was possible. We learned through the SAA Fellowship that we were not hopelessly defective.
The basic principles of recovery practiced by SAA are found in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although we are not affiliated with AA or with any other organization or agency, we are, indeed, grateful for permission to modify and apply the Steps and Traditions to sex addiction, making recovery possible for us.
From The Mahabharata Vana Parva, Section XXVII Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli
Forgiveness versus Might
Addressing King Yudhishthira
Draupadi said: On this subject, the ancient story of the conversation between Prahlad and Vali, the son of Virochana is quoted as an example. One day Vali asked his grandfather Prahlad, the chief of the Asuras and the Danavas, possessed of great wisdom and well versed in the mysteries of the science of duty, saying. ‘O sire, is forgiveness meritorious or might (and energy) meritorous?
Thus asked by Vali, his wise grandfather, conversant with every conclusion, replied upon the whole subject unto his grandson who had sought at his hands the resolution of his doubts.
Prahlad said: Know O child, these two truths with certainty, viz., that might is not always meritorious and forgiveness also is not always meritorious. He that forgives always suffers many evils. Servants and strangers and enemies always disregard him. No creature ever bends down unto him. Therefore it is, O child, that the learned applaud not a constant habit of forgiveness.
The servants of an ever-forgiving person always disregard him, and contract numerous faults. These mean-minded men also seek to deprive him of his wealth. Vile souled servants also appropriate to themselves his vehicles and clothes and ornaments and apparel and beds and seats and food and drink and other articles of use. They do not also at the command of their master give unto others the things they are directed to give. Nor do they ever worship their master with that respect which is their master’s due. Disregard in this world is worse than death.
O child, sons and servants and attendants and even strangers speak harsh words unto the man who always forgives. Persons, disregarding the man of an ever-forgiving temper, even desire his wife, and his wife also becomes ready to act as she wills. And servants also that are ever fond of pleasure, if they do not receive even slight punishment from their master, contract all sorts of vices, and the wicked ever injure such a master. These and many other demerits attach to those that are ever forgiving!
Listen now, O son of Virochana, to the demerits of those that are never forgiving! The man of wrath who, surrounded by darkness, always inflicts, by help of his own energy, various kinds of punishment on persons whether they deserve them or not, is necessarily separated from his friends in consequence of that energy of his. Such a man is hated by both relatives and strangers. Such a man, because he insults others, suffers loss of wealth and reaps disregard and sorrow and hatred and confusion and enemies.
The man of wrath, in consequence of his ire, inflicts punishments on men and obtains (in return) harsh words. He is divested of his prosperity soon and even of life, not to say, of friends and relatives. He that puts forth his might both upon his benefactor and his foe, is an object of alarm to the world, like a snake that has taken shelter in a house, to the inmates thereof. What prosperity can he have who is an object of alarm to the world? People always do him an injury when they find an opportunity.
Therefore, should men never exhibit might in excess nor forgiveness on all occasions. One should put forth his might and show his forgiveness on proper occasions. He who becomes forgiving at the proper time and harsh and mighty also at the proper time, obtains happiness both in this world and the other.
I shall now indicate the occasions in detail, of forgiveness, as laid down by the learned, and which should ever be observed by all. Hearken unto me as I speak! He that has do thee a service, even if he is guilty of a grave wrong unto thee, recollecting his former service, should thou forgive that offender. Those also that have become offenders from ignorance and folly should be forgiven for learning and wisdom are not always easily attainable by man.
They that having offended thee knowingly, plead ignorance should be punished, even if their offences be trivial. Such crooked men should never be pardoned. The first offence of every creature should be forgiven. The second offence, however, should be punished, even if it be trivial. If, however, a person commits an offence unwillingly, it has been said that examining his plea well by a judicious enquiry, he should be pardoned. Humility may vanquish might, humility may vanquish weakness. There is nothing that humility may not accomplish. Therefore, humility is truly fiercer (than it seems)!
One should act with reference to place and time, taking note of his own might or weakness. Nothing can succeed that has been undertaken without reference to place and time. Therefore, do thou ever wait for place and time! Sometimes offenders should be forgiven from fear of the people. These have been declared to be times of forgiveness. And it has been said that on occasions besides these, might should be put forth against transgressors.
Draupadi continued: I therefore, regard, O king, that the time has come for thee to put forth thy might! Unto those Kurus the covetous sons of Dhritarashtra who injure us always, the present is not the time for forgiveness! It behoveth thee to put forth thy might. The humble and forgiving person is disregarded; while those that are fierce persecute others. He, indeed, is a king who hath recourse to both, each according to its time!
Anger management tip 4: Find healthier ways to express your anger
ReplyDeleteIf you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. When communicated respectfully and channeled effectively, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for change.
Pinpoint what you’re really angry about
Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.
Take five if things get too heated
If your anger seems to be spiraling out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down. A brisk walk, a trip to the gym, or a few minutes listening to some music should allow you to calm down, release pent up emotion, and then approach the situation with a cooler head.
Always fight fair
It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.
Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
Choose your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing, others will take you more seriously when you are upset.
Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Beatrix - How To Overcome Your Sex Addiction?
ReplyDeleteAbout SAA
As a fellowship of recovering addicts, Sex Addicts Anonymous offers a message of hope to anyone who suffers from sex addiction.
Through long and painful experience, we came to realize that we were powerless over our sexual thoughts and behaviors and that our preoccupation with sex was causing progressively severe adverse consequences for us, our families, and our friends. Despite many failed promises to ourselves and attempts to change, we discovered that we were unable to stop acting out sexually by ourselves.
Many of us came to this realization when we started attending SAA meetings. In that setting we heard stories similar to ours and realized that recovery from our problem was possible. We learned through the SAA Fellowship that we were not hopelessly defective.
The basic principles of recovery practiced by SAA are found in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although we are not affiliated with AA or with any other organization or agency, we are, indeed, grateful for permission to modify and apply the Steps and Traditions to sex addiction, making recovery possible for us.
From The Mahabharata
ReplyDeleteVana Parva, Section XXVII
Translated by Sri Kisari Mohan Ganguli
Forgiveness versus Might
Addressing King Yudhishthira
Draupadi said: On this subject, the ancient story of the conversation between Prahlad and Vali, the son of Virochana is quoted as an example. One day Vali asked his grandfather Prahlad, the chief of the Asuras and the Danavas, possessed of great wisdom and well versed in the mysteries of the science of duty, saying. ‘O sire, is forgiveness meritorious or might (and energy) meritorous?
Thus asked by Vali, his wise grandfather, conversant with every conclusion, replied upon the whole subject unto his grandson who had sought at his hands the resolution of his doubts.
Prahlad said: Know O child, these two truths with certainty, viz., that might is not always meritorious and forgiveness also is not always meritorious. He that forgives always suffers many evils. Servants and strangers and enemies always disregard him. No creature ever bends down unto him. Therefore it is, O child, that the learned applaud not a constant habit of forgiveness.
The servants of an ever-forgiving person always disregard him, and contract numerous faults. These mean-minded men also seek to deprive him of his wealth. Vile souled servants also appropriate to themselves his vehicles and clothes and ornaments and apparel and beds and seats and food and drink and other articles of use. They do not also at the command of their master give unto others the things they are directed to give. Nor do they ever worship their master with that respect which is their master’s due. Disregard in this world is worse than death.
ReplyDeleteO child, sons and servants and attendants and even strangers speak harsh words unto the man who always forgives. Persons, disregarding the man of an ever-forgiving temper, even desire his wife, and his wife also becomes ready to act as she wills. And servants also that are ever fond of pleasure, if they do not receive even slight punishment from their master, contract all sorts of vices, and the wicked ever injure such a master. These and many other demerits attach to those that are ever forgiving!
Listen now, O son of Virochana, to the demerits of those that are never forgiving! The man of wrath who, surrounded by darkness, always inflicts, by help of his own energy, various kinds of punishment on persons whether they deserve them or not, is necessarily separated from his friends in consequence of that energy of his. Such a man is hated by both relatives and strangers. Such a man, because he insults others, suffers loss of wealth and reaps disregard and sorrow and hatred and confusion and enemies.
The man of wrath, in consequence of his ire, inflicts punishments on men and obtains (in return) harsh words. He is divested of his prosperity soon and even of life, not to say, of friends and relatives. He that puts forth his might both upon his benefactor and his foe, is an object of alarm to the world, like a snake that has taken shelter in a house, to the inmates thereof. What prosperity can he have who is an object of alarm to the world? People always do him an injury when they find an opportunity.
ReplyDeleteTherefore, should men never exhibit might in excess nor forgiveness on all occasions. One should put forth his might and show his forgiveness on proper occasions. He who becomes forgiving at the proper time and harsh and mighty also at the proper time, obtains happiness both in this world and the other.
I shall now indicate the occasions in detail, of forgiveness, as laid down by the learned, and which should ever be observed by all. Hearken unto me as I speak! He that has do thee a service, even if he is guilty of a grave wrong unto thee, recollecting his former service, should thou forgive that offender. Those also that have become offenders from ignorance and folly should be forgiven for learning and wisdom are not always easily attainable by man.
They that having offended thee knowingly, plead ignorance should be punished, even if their offences be trivial. Such crooked men should never be pardoned. The first offence of every creature should be forgiven. The second offence, however, should be punished, even if it be trivial. If, however, a person commits an offence unwillingly, it has been said that examining his plea well by a judicious enquiry, he should be pardoned. Humility may vanquish might, humility may vanquish weakness. There is nothing that humility may not accomplish. Therefore, humility is truly fiercer (than it seems)!
One should act with reference to place and time, taking note of his own might or weakness. Nothing can succeed that has been undertaken without reference to place and time. Therefore, do thou ever wait for place and time! Sometimes offenders should be forgiven from fear of the people. These have been declared to be times of forgiveness. And it has been said that on occasions besides these, might should be put forth against transgressors.
Draupadi continued: I therefore, regard, O king, that the time has come for thee to put forth thy might! Unto those Kurus the covetous sons of Dhritarashtra who injure us always, the present is not the time for forgiveness! It behoveth thee to put forth thy might. The humble and forgiving person is disregarded; while those that are fierce persecute others. He, indeed, is a king who hath recourse to both, each according to its time!