If you want to stop using foul language but aren't sure how, or if you have already tried to stop and it didn't work, here are some helpful suggestions you can use.
1. Often, you don't even realize that you're using bad words, since it becomes part of your speech pattern. If you're having this problem, ask your friends to tell you when you use bad words or try to think over what you want to say before you say it.
2. If you and your friends curse but you want to stop, try associating with other people who don't use bad words, and their example may rub off on you. You can also try asking your friends to stop cursing, or at least to try to curb their language around you.
3. Every time you or someone around you curses, have them put a dollar in a "swear jar" and donate it to charity.
4. It's normal for everyone to use an expression of frustration - you just don't have to use a bad word. You can make up a cute, original alternative that you'll want to use instead! (See Alternatives to Bad Words below.)
5. Wear a rubber band or ponytail around your wrist, and whenever you curse, snap it.
6. If you watch television shows that use a lot of bad words, try to find other, cleaner shows to watch. If you listen to music where there is a lot of cursing or explicit content, try to listen to other genres or the censored versions of the songs.
7. Pretend a respected figure in your life (a relative, teacher, religious leader, etc.) is sitting next to you at all times. Would you want to curse if your grandmother can hear?
8. Every time you substitute a different word for a curse word, put a popcorn kernel in a jar. When the jar is full, make a popcorn party for yourself!
9. When you get angry and you want to curse, think of a word that reminds you of a funny time that will make you laugh and calm you down to avoid saying the bad word.
Remember that it may take a while to stop. Just try your best and keep at it. Bear in mind that you don't have to completely eradicate bad words from your language. Just make a sincere effort to keep it to a minimum, and only in appropriate situations.
Are all kinds of anger meant here always, or are there instances when anger could still be justified? Someone could say: "How do I know that my anger is not justified, when I feel strongly about it, that in certain situations I do have the right to become angry?" (As an exception there are a few instances when it is good and allowed, such as in war when fighting the enemy, but not excessive anger.) Answer: Yes, there are situations where anger is justified and lawful, as "in cases of religious affairs when one's honour is at stake. It is an effective preventive measure to safeguard the dignity of man. A person who has no anger is called a coward because he has got no true faith in Allah. The person fears creation and not the Creator." [2] But certainly those instances are rare, and what is worse, for a beginner in anger management (AMI) it is difficult to distinguish between those situations from the outset. Later with some success in AMI, that will be easy. We do not suggest that AMI means you never may get angry, for anger is not to abolished but channelled, and the aim is always to reach your goal with other, reliable and sane methods, in shâh Allah. But to begin with, it is vital to bring it down to lower levels, to temper it, in order to take control over it.
For the time being you should be extremely suspicious about anger in which form or situation what-so-ever. Be warned against it!
Remember that the real strength of a man lies in controlling his wrath or anger. In this respect the Islamic tradition is very clear:
It is reported in a hadith on the authority of Abu Huraira raDiy-Allahu-anhu.gif Allah be pleased with him, that Mohammad, the emissary of Allah MHMD peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said : "The man is not a good wrestler; the strong man is in fact the person who controls himself at the time of anger." (Bukhari) In another hadith Abu Hurairah raDiy-Allahu-anhu.gif (radiyallahu `anhu), reported that a man said to the Prophet MHMD (sallallahu `alayhi wasallam): "Advise me!" The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet MHMD said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious." [Al-Bukhari; Vol. 8 No. 137] (see hadith in Arabic at top of page.) Commenting on this hadith Al-Nawawî says that "he meant to not allow anger to lord over oneself and cause the loss of one's comportment." Instead to control your anger and never lose control.
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ReplyDelete:0p
“Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it...Don't allow his anger to become your anger.”
ReplyDeleteBEATRIX - How to Stop Cursing
ReplyDeleteIf you want to stop using foul language but aren't sure how, or if you have already tried to stop and it didn't work, here are some helpful suggestions you can use.
1. Often, you don't even realize that you're using bad words, since it becomes part of your speech pattern. If you're having this problem, ask your friends to tell you when you use bad words or try to think over what you want to say before you say it.
2. If you and your friends curse but you want to stop, try associating with other people who don't use bad words, and their example may rub off on you. You can also try asking your friends to stop cursing, or at least to try to curb their language around you.
3. Every time you or someone around you curses, have them put a dollar in a "swear jar" and donate it to charity.
4. It's normal for everyone to use an expression of frustration - you just don't have to use a bad word. You can make up a cute, original alternative that you'll want to use instead! (See Alternatives to Bad Words below.)
5. Wear a rubber band or ponytail around your wrist, and whenever you curse, snap it.
6. If you watch television shows that use a lot of bad words, try to find other, cleaner shows to watch. If you listen to music where there is a lot of cursing or explicit content, try to listen to other genres or the censored versions of the songs.
7. Pretend a respected figure in your life (a relative, teacher, religious leader, etc.) is sitting next to you at all times. Would you want to curse if your grandmother can hear?
8. Every time you substitute a different word for a curse word, put a popcorn kernel in a jar. When the jar is full, make a popcorn party for yourself!
9. When you get angry and you want to curse, think of a word that reminds you of a funny time that will make you laugh and calm you down to avoid saying the bad word.
Remember that it may take a while to stop. Just try your best and keep at it. Bear in mind that you don't have to completely eradicate bad words from your language. Just make a sincere effort to keep it to a minimum, and only in appropriate situations.
Are all kinds of anger meant here always, or are there instances when anger could still be justified?
ReplyDeleteSomeone could say: "How do I know that my anger is not justified, when I feel strongly about it, that in certain situations I do have the right to become angry?" (As an exception there are a few instances when it is good and allowed, such as in war when fighting the enemy, but not excessive anger.)
Answer: Yes, there are situations where anger is justified and lawful, as "in cases of religious affairs when one's honour is at stake. It is an effective preventive measure to safeguard the dignity of man. A person who has no anger is called a coward because he has got no true faith in Allah. The person fears creation and not the Creator." [2]
But certainly those instances are rare, and what is worse, for a beginner in anger management (AMI) it is difficult to distinguish between those situations from the outset. Later with some success in AMI, that will be easy.
We do not suggest that AMI means you never may get angry, for anger is not to abolished but channelled, and the aim is always to reach your goal with other, reliable and sane methods, in shâh Allah. But to begin with, it is vital to bring it down to lower levels, to temper it, in order to take control over it.
For the time being you should be extremely suspicious about anger in which form or situation what-so-ever. Be warned against it!
Remember that the real strength of a man lies in controlling his wrath or anger. In this respect the Islamic tradition is very clear:
It is reported in a hadith on the authority of Abu Huraira raDiy-Allahu-anhu.gif Allah be pleased with him, that Mohammad, the emissary of Allah MHMD peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said :
"The man is not a good wrestler; the strong man is in fact the person who controls himself at the time of anger." (Bukhari)
In another hadith Abu Hurairah raDiy-Allahu-anhu.gif (radiyallahu `anhu), reported that a man said to the Prophet MHMD (sallallahu `alayhi wasallam): "Advise me!"
The Prophet said, "Do not become angry and furious."
The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet MHMD said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious."
[Al-Bukhari; Vol. 8 No. 137] (see hadith in Arabic at top of page.)
Commenting on this hadith Al-Nawawî says that "he meant to not allow anger to lord over oneself and cause the loss of one's comportment." Instead to control your anger and never lose control.